Reese Witherspoon gets grimy in the performance of her career.
Thank you, creepy man watching “Wild” in back of me, your snores muffled my quiet sobs.
“Wild” is a profound exploration of loss and Reese Witherspoon shines as Cheryl Strayed, a fatherless, troubled and addicted young woman coping with the sudden death of her loving mother with heroin, rampant promiscuity and self-annihilation. She fights back to redeem herself on a poorly planned 1000 mile trek through the Pacific Crest Trail. Along the way she stops torturing herself and reconciles her mistakes with a promise to heal.
I lived in the Pacific Northwest in the late 90s, the same time Cheryl searches for redemption in “Wild”. The movie nails the era with a perfect soundtrack and a good grasp on the grungy decadence and melancholy mood.
Why does it take a death for one to appreciate a parent? Why are we so cruel to our mothers? How can we stop the guilt and embrace the memories?
Angie & Amy Pascal in happier times. “Angie, “Cleopatra” will be the role of a lifetime,” Pascal whispers in Angie’s ear.
The Sony hacking scandal is a Christmas present to me from the pop-culture Gods. It started off so promising (Angelina Jolie is spoiled brat!), but it’s fizzled into another tale of corporate executives behaving poorly. Shall we recap what we’ve learned?
Angelina sucks what’s left of Amy Pascal’s soul out.
Angelina Jolie is spoiled: Again, not shocking. What I do enjoy is that Rudin calls Jolie untalented because I partially agree. I know that Jolie has talent somewhere hidden in her 95 pound frame, but I haven’t personally witnessed it since 2005’s “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”. What has Jolie been in that is even remotely watchable? I will not include “Maleficent’ because that’s a children’s film. Here’s an email from Rudin about Angelina Jolie’s maddening pursuit to star in “Cleopatra”.
I’m not destroying my career over a minimally talented spoiled brat who thought nothing of shoving this off her plate for eighteen months so she could go direct a movie. I have no desire to be making a movie with her, or anybody, that she runs and that we don’t. She’s a camp event and a celebrity and that’s all and the last thing anybody needs is to make a giant bomb with her that any fool could see coming.
Sandler models the latest in junior high P.E. garb.
2. Adam Sandler is an asshole: This is no big surprise. Adam Sandler’s movie career has been in catastrophic decline since the early 90s and I will never forgive him for stealing two hours of my life with “Grown Ups”, I still cannot believe that there was actually a sequel to this movie. Unbelievable.
Here’s Amy Pascal, another executive that has never heard of spell check, take on Sandler:
“Adam is an asshile [sic] and this is more his fault than anyone’s but what we did was not communicate with each other and make assumptions maybe I didn’t pay attention when you were telling me what I was walking into but it also comes from a non alien meant between us all and too many people doing everything and no one taking responsibility and I mean myself as it is my responsibility to let you guys know what I want to breath [sic] life into,” replied Pascal.
Scott Rudin, I think I love you.
Executives don’t spell check, capitalize or care about grammar: Damn, I’m a part-time corporate writer and even I do not send out an email with grammatical errors, rampant USE OF CAPITALS and general distaste of punctuation that these media titans do. Amy Pascal and Scott Rudin each make an annual salary of over 3 million dollars. I do not have a fancy MBA that taught me to reread what I have written and to be very careful of what I put in an email. Tssk- tssk.
What is a week without an awards show? I forced myself to sit through the recent VS Fashion Show and concert. No, not for the fashion, I’m more of a full-support, serious-looking kind of bra wearer, but I digress.
Kings of Leon were awesome a few albums ago. In their band infancy, I really bought their toxicity, appreciated their familial hotness and was impressed with their public displays of debauchery and public drunkenness. But their schtick got stale, they made that pop ballad and didn’t get any better. Did Caleb Followill’s marriage to VS Angel Lilly Albridge contribute to his cleaner image?
Caleb, before he married an angel.
Caleb, post-Angel matrimony.
Adam Levine is also married to a VS Angel and was, not surprisingly, previously engaged to a different VS Angel. This freakishly handsome man-child from a privileged Hollywood background will never go away, he is here to stay. Yes, his music is ordinary and mediocre, but who cares? He’s got charisma oozing from his well moisturized pores.
What will fade first? His tattoos or their love?
Right before I nodded off, I was thanked for my hard work with a doozie of delight: Ariana Grande almost got knocked on her noggin by one of those huge Angel wings.
Ariana Grande’s constant ponytail permanently disfigured her face.
Oh, Hozier, what were you doing there? Sometimes, it’s just not your venue and you’ve got to pass on exposure for artistic integrity. Watching this earnest Irish folk singer singing about God in front of lingerie-clad models was not even ironic in a cool way, it was just awkward. Even worse, his suit was awful and in need of a tailor. Hozier, please do not make me regret praising you and begging others to listen to your excellent CD.
Hozier, call a stylist; this cannot happen at the Grammy’s.
Taylor Swift was amazing. I refuse to be negative about Taylor Swift because she has a home in Rhode Island and I have got serious geographical pride. And, Ed Sheeran is a redhead and I do not criticize redheads, I only adore them. I suffer from a little known disorder termed “Ginger Hysteria”. This condition forces me to think people have red hair when they, in fact, do not have a strand of red hair. I am being medicated for this condition.
I kept waiting for a nude Lena Dunham to fly in and save Allison Williams from destroying her mediocre career. I squinted my eyes and wished this nightmare might be a “Girls” episode where they drop acid and bully Marnie into starring in an awful community theater production. Then Rhode Island’s coolest summer resident, Christopher Walken stumbled in and I knew this was real. Real bad.
Christopher Walken spices up Block Island, R.I.
It wasn’t your night, but you still have more talent in your bosom than Ariana Grande has in her whole body.
Mariah Carey really flubbed her recent performance at the NBC Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting special. What happened to the still-relevant vixen’s worryingly weakened voice? Did Nick Cannon take three of her octaves along with half her worth?
Luckily, Miley and the Kennedy’s share the same values. It’s Camelot for millenials!
Offspring of two of America’s powerhouse families are falling in love: Miley Cyrus and Patrick Schwarzenegger. She, of course, of the Cyrus’ freak show family and he of the Shriver/Schwarzenegger/Kennedy dynasty.
This pairing is the ramification of cheating on your wife and secretly fathering a child with your maid. Ahhnold, you had this one coming.
The American Music Awards were filled with artists to ridicule, dig and wish laryngitis on.
Let’s start with Rhode Island’s very own shining star, T. Swizzle. The girl can act, she can saunter, she can emote, but the pop genius just can’t sing. It’s okay, neither could Madonna. And, Madonna never had those legs.
Your luscious legs make up for your off-key pipes.
Taylor’s obviously hoping that Lorde’s coolness can seep into her pores if she ingratiates herself into Lorde’s family. That must be why we were forced to watch Taylor dance with Lorde’s mother. What? Was Lena Dunham busy? Mrs. Lorde, you are taking up valuable space. If I want to watch some old hag with bad hair dance, I will look at myself in the mirror.
This is a coveted spot, bouncers, please remove Mrs. Lorde.
Oh, and poor Selena Gomez. She also cannot sing, but she talk-sings fairly well. Was that song about Justin Beiber breaking her little heart? Were people in the audience crying because her performance was so bad or because it was so funny? Most importantly, did she whisper “thank you Jesus” is the middle of her laughable performance? Yes, indeed, thank you Jesus because it was close to over. Amen.
I cry when I laugh, too.
Three is always a bad combination, a ménage a trois often ends awkwardly and I predict that the one-name pop star trio of Lorde, TayTay and Selena will end poorly. Lorde will have a tedious time conversing with Selena over topics like eyeliner, Beliebers and nose jobs. Run, Lorde,and take Sia with you!
No, Lorde,do not look to your left, Selena’s bosom is exposed.
kathleenlala 