“Peter Pan” was painful, right?
I kept waiting for a nude Lena Dunham to fly in and save Allison Williams from destroying her mediocre career. I squinted my eyes and wished this nightmare might be a “Girls” episode where they drop acid and bully Marnie into starring in an awful community theater production. Then Rhode Island’s coolest summer resident, Christopher Walken stumbled in and I knew this was real. Real bad.
Mariah Carey really flubbed her recent performance at the NBC Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting special. What happened to the still-relevant vixen’s worryingly weakened voice? Did Nick Cannon take three of her octaves along with half her worth?
Offspring of two of America’s powerhouse families are falling in love: Miley Cyrus and Patrick Schwarzenegger. She, of course, of the Cyrus’ freak show family and he of the Shriver/Schwarzenegger/Kennedy dynasty.
This pairing is the ramification of cheating on your wife and secretly fathering a child with your maid. Ahhnold, you had this one coming.