Father John Misty:A New Love & Scarlett Johansson: Stop Singing


Father John Misty, My New Love

I don't care how insipid your stage name is, you've got me.

I don’t care how insipid your stage name is, you’ve got me.

My current fascination is Father John Misty, a.k,a. Joshua Tillman, the former drummer for Fleet of Foxes. He sings and writes beautiful folk rock with a political slant and a wicked sense of humor. I saw this performance on David Letterman and was transfixed by the enormity of his voice and the poetry of his words. The song, “Bored in the U.S.A.” is from his newest album “I Love You, Honeybear”- I especially enjoy the laugh track in the song, he’s a pretentious whiner and he’s in on the joke, he’s navigating the whole thing.

I recently got lost in a k-hole of his totally watchable music videos, they’re filled with blood, sex, violence, prostitutes and debauchery.This gem, “Hollywood Forever Cemetery” stars bleakly beautiful Aubrey Plaza of Parks and Recreation.

If Scarlett Johansson becomes a pop star, slap me. Hard.

Scarlett and Jack Antonoff, high school loves.

Scarlett and Jack Antonoff, high school loves.

ScarJo, cease the music-making. There was the embarrassing Tom Waits tribute album, an ill-conceived collaboration with Pete Yorn and now this, the Singles, a super-pop, all-girl band fronted by Johansson. If this is good, then I’m dead.

Scarlett, I know that

Jack Antonoff and current love, Lena Dunham

Jack Antonoff and current love, Lena Dunham

you attended the Professional Children’s School in Manhattan, a selective private school in Manhattan where you dated Lena Dunham’s beau Jack Antonoff of Fun. and the Bleachers. Don’t believe me? See for yourself.

I get it, your extreme beauty forces everyone in your presence into “yes men.” “Yes, Scarlett, you can be a pop star.” NO! You should know the unfair ways of this weary world, but maybe you were filming Home Alone 3 during this important life lesson, so let me break it down for you: One cannot succeed at everything, one really cannot have it all. You’re exquisite looking, talented, cool, seemingly intelligent and just bounced back to your miraculous shape after giving birth months ago- you cannot be a pop star, also.

Don’t get it? Let’s use me as an example. I’m funny, popular, fashionable, and well-read with a good husband and healthy children so obviously I have to be overweight, under employed and have an unsightly underarm perspiration problem. That’s the way the cronut crumbles, didn’t you learn that at your posh preparatory school?

Please, stop making this music and I’ll go back to loving you.

XO, a maniac.

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