“You know, you should really start a blog” is a statement that I hear often. It’s most likely because I am a bit of a lunatic, a really well-mannered and nice lunatic, but a lunatic all the same.

So, here’s my first stab at starting my own blog and I intend to set a few ground rules. First, do not call this a “mommy blog.”

Yes, I have kids. I have three cute, fresh and well-dressed children with unusual names, of course. But I’m not going to talk about them much, unless they do something shockingly bad and I will share that because, to me, that’s some funny stuff. I like to boast about my kids’ bad behavior more than their good deeds. I know how boring my lil’ monsters are to you because I am probably sick of hearing about your kids. Can we all just agree that children are precious little wonders spewing words of wisdom and be done with it? It’s just so dull.

Another reason why I do not want to be associated with the  “mommy blog” trend is because nobody wants to hear about my child-rearing tips. That’s because I don’t have many. Some may  call me laissez-faire in my approach to parenting, others may call me certifiably insane. Your pick. Cake for dinner? Sure, but, let’s use the fancy plates.

I will not write about weight, weight gain, who’s fat, who’s thin. I choose this rule not because I am taking the high road, but again, because it bores me. If I read about another bloggist that is attacking “fat shamers” for making fun of how she looks in a bikini, I will lose my last grip on reality.  So here goes: I’m chubby and there’s really no excuse for it. I squeezed out a bunch of kids and never lost all the weight. If you see me at the beach in a bikini, laugh all you want, but first check my stats because I have probably suffered a stroke or a mental breakdown.